It Must Suck to Be Stupid!

OMG...haven't written here in a while...I'm kinda getting scared of online identity stuff bc of that damn grad class I'm taking...anyway, I have to work on projects and papers, and so should not be writing here...goodbye

I just got home from a weekend of using way more public transportation that anyone should ever have to bear in a total of four days. Jamie and Jaz (the Cooters) got here on Thursday around four, so I picked them up from the Amtrak station, then we had some pretty good times (eg Cheesecake Factory, Boudin/Wharf, Chinatown, etc). But there was rain. If there is one thing in this world that I just could never be happy with, it's rain. It makes things wet. Like my pants. And my underwear. And my hair, and my face, and my hands, and my feet, and my belongings. And if that weren't enough, I'm an idiot and have no sense of direction, so I took the three of us out of the way of where we were going. Whatever, it was all in all pretty fun, though Jamie wouldn't quit bitching about having to take the bus. Sorry honey, this isn't fucking Bakersfield! Welcome to the real world...

In other news, due to these Bakersfieldians being in town and my obligation to entertain them, I have not heard from many of my friends, the main one of my concern being Ashley. Granted I haven't taken the time to call her either. And now she says I'm letting her down, which is a let down for me, by me. I am a shitty friend and just don't get why. It's not as though I don't want to be a good friend, but I think that I have some pretty elementary emotional things to figure out before I can actually know what it's like to be a real friend, and to be loved by the friends I have. I really think that, even though it sounds cliche beyond means, my childhood molded me into this terrible person, and I just need the time to fix what has been done. I am grateful for all of the friends that stick by me, even when they know I'm an ass, and I secretly like it when they tell me what pisses them off about me, but it also hurts. I don't know what's wrong with me. Make me normal!

I'm going to go make two of my greatest friends their Christmas presents now. I hope that they like them...

So every now and again I get really depressed for no good reason. I sulk and I get taciturn and I sit alone and I don't ask questions and I don't talk about my life that goes on and on and on... It doesn't help that I'm watching a movie about a bunch of guys with AIDS that is highly dramatic (i.e. not melodramatic, just slug-speed slow and depressing), and it's winter, which means my mood is always half as good as it would be if there were sun... I've self-diagnosed myself with Seasonal Affective Disorder, which, in it's acronym (SAD), describes my mood precisely. But I just want to know why. Oh well...

I'm getting tired of being fake around ppl that I'm not like. A good number of the friends I have from home are republicans, or at least have numerous conservative tendencies, and I always just sit back and say nothing when they ramble on about things they don't know (especially when they say how Berkeley is so liberal, when most of them haven't even been up here). I really feel as though I need to tell them that they are ridiculous and lay out the real deal to them.

In other news, I am currently planning a number of outings that are going to be fun and exciting! Such as my adventure into the city next Saturday to see 'Brokeback Mountain' with hot Jake and Heath making out and stuff! Also, this Saturday, after my inevitably awkward day at work (you know why...), I get to go to a wonderful party at Marya's place for Ariel's birthday. Isn't that marvelous.

Also, I recently found out that next Friday, I will get to participate in a poetry reading and be provided with free wine and food--all from the UCB English department! Sweet!

In Zoroaster's name, Amen...

Sex is so irritating. I haven't had it in quite a while, but that's beside the point. I am sick of gay guys just wanting sex. And granted, I think that might be a general stereotype for ALL guys, gay or straight, but seriously, gay guys want you in bed the night they meet you. And however okay that might be some of the time, I don't want to get laid the first time I meet every guy that I meet. Don't guys want to get to know me? Don't they want to get to know anyone they meet, anyone they go out on a date with? And it's pretty ridiculous for all these gay whorebags to be fighting for marriage equality when they don't even plan on getting married, and just want to fuck! Auuggghhhhh! I'm frustrated...

I highly doubt that I have mononucleosis, but God, I am ridiculously tired, and there's no legitimate reason... I did just wake up from a nap, but that's not good enough. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm more depressed than I thought. Anyway, it's going to be good to go back to Bakersfield, which is sad to say, but I actually do miss my dad and all the friends i haven't seen in a while. I remember when I couldn't stand to go back home, hating the sun, hating the republicans, and doing everything i could to avoid my mother. I think in a way I've grown a bit since the summer in that respect, appreciating my family and friends a lot more. There is one person that I want to see so badly I can't stand it, and it seems like every time I go back home I don't get to see enough of her. Hmm, I just realized that sounds as though I'm having some kind of affair, but yeah, clearly not the case. Anyway, I need to translate some Welsh shit now, so I've got to go to the library before I go over to a party. Woo...

So today, I did (most) of my reading, went to class, read an original quatrain to ppl who were then amazed by said quatrain, and then, like the retard i am, got myself into more work. i'm going to be working for the slc as a writing tutor...little do these ppl know, i'm a 'tard. but what's even better, at first i just get units, but then i can get paid. sweet! after the orientation mtg. thing for that, i went to the library to get some books of welsh poetry. the more i read the more contemporary stuff, the more i fall in love with the language, which i suppose is a good thing and will lend to a good final project for my welsh class. again, sweet!

I feel lame. Wait-I am lame! But, I am excited about a lot of things! This Saturday, I'm going with all the peeps (Ashley, Colleen, Brett, and possibly Andy). We are going to Point Reyes, which is some awesome beach, and we are picnicking! Also, one of my awesome friends from Bakersfield, Jamie, will be coming up when the semester is over before I go back to Bako for Christmas. What grand fun!

I need a haircut! And it's Sunday and most of the places are closed right now! Grrrrr......

Today, instead of reading ridiculously boring novels, writing narcissistic papers (ie autobiographical essays), or doing anything else that is at all academically productive, I will be engaging in some beautiful cultural enrichment with Ashley Marie Cox, my wonderfully scrumptious friend for always and always. She will be taking some photos all around the city, and I will experience the tiny areas I never have been able to! What wonderful fun! We will surely eat some wonderful city food, and no, I don't mean popcorn strewn about on the streets by vendors/bums. I said good day!